Thursday, May 19, 2011
change is so in the air.
moreso than in any other season of my life, i can feel it all around me. tangible. as a child, i was so resistant to change (for fear of the unknown) that my mom used her spare coins as a bribe/brainwashing-lesson and every time she'd hand over a quarter i'd have to repeat back to her the phrase "change is good." probably one of the smartest moves my mom ever made, as it's a lesson that sticks with me even when i'm struggling the most with a shift that i didn't see coming or something that's most definitely outside my control.
it's so humbling to submit your life to someone greater than yourself. yet i honestly have never ever been so excited to follow the leading of the God i love and serve. at the same time, it's the wildest ride i could ever imagine, and sometimes it scares the crap out of me.
what i've waited for as long as i can remember is happening. and this story is more than i could've dreamed in my wildest imagination. no it's not perfect, he's not perfect, i'm not perfect. not at all. but this is so stinking good. it's been worth every past heartache and disappointment, every long year of not knowing if what was deep in my heart would ever come true. now i'm surrounded by the "coming true" and i'm in awe. most times, speechless. it's so crazy i don't even know how to string sounds and syllables together to explain it. my heart is full of gratitude as i absolutely did not put any of my dreams/desires together. God did. in His timing.
in the middle of all this amazingness is also a little bit of pride-poking loss as i also sense God preparing me to focus primarily on my own family. He knows me better than i know myself (thank goodness) and some of the ways i accidentally got my little identity wrapped around and inside my career He's slowly stripping away. it's hard. yet i'm thankful for these humbling revelations as i've often seen played out before me that you can't do it all. you can't do it all and do it all well, anyway.
my 2011 continues to be filled with amazing clients and lots of travel. it's been a wild ride these past few years figuring out a business and seeing where it could go. i'm not giving up, i'm not quitting, i just realize that the winds are changing and i can not wait to see where those winds will go.