on having it all and why i'm not trying to.

so, hi there. :)

i had something on my heart to say and share as i may periodically do.

i waited a long time for this guy.

he is the sunshine in our days. the sweetest little tweet. 100% completely all boy and also the kindest soul i've known. and ya' know what? i don't want to miss this. he is only _____ once. he's only this size, learning these things, dependent on me or my husband for absolutely everything. i know there are plenty of callings in life but i've known since i was very small, for me, this is it. this is what i've waited for and hoped for and in many ways, i don't care that my business has to take a backseat. this is too important. he is too important.

don't get me wrong, i love doing what i do. and i have dreams... big dreams... for what this can become. but right now? no, thanks. it's cool with me that i used to have a legit, professional looking website and now i don't, it's fine that i'm not killing it. there just aren't enough hours in the day for me to grow my business and take it in the direction my heart desires while being present in my little guy's days. some can, i can't. i'll continue on booking things here and there from time to time, i periodically post things on facebook, i'm not shutting things down- but instead i'm perfectly ok with not having it all and just having the most important small person who is growing and changing by the minute. just like he's learning to crawl and sit and eat real food, i'm learning to be a mom and i think that being a mom is good enough. it's a gift and i don't want to take it for granted. 

feel free to inquire if you're interested in booking for most anything at all. i'm still around, but definitely not "killing it." and i've never been so happy to be doing what i'm doing ever in my life.

quiet

these days are quiet but they go so quickly.

when people ask me "what have you been up to lately?" the answer is a resounding "not much." :) not much, except caring for and getting to know our little boy. before he came, i (in theory) knew that babies were a lot of work. of course i'd been around babies quite a lot, but it's different when they're yours- the buck stops with you. you're "the mommy." it becomes a day worth celebrating when you and the baby are both clean, dressed and fed, and maybe you manage a load of laundry, too. however, even though it's crazy how much time this little guy takes up and how quickly my days are flying by, the past 2.5 months have been amazing.

some people grow up knowing they want to be a doctor, lawyer, firefighter, or teacher. i always, always wanted to be a mommy. maybe it's because i had to wait 30 years to get here, but i am so appreciative and am not taking this season in my life for granted. my pay is not monetary, but my reward is when he looks up at me and gives me a big gummy grin when he hears my voice singing a silly made-up song, or he hits another developmental milestone, or grows another inch. high five, self. something is going right, even though (like everybody else) i am learning on the fly. even when sleep deprived and hardly glamorous, i am loving each day with this small person and can't wait to see who he becomes as he grows up.

i've had a lot of opportunity in my life to do things, make choices, move, live, experiment, have fun. but life before my husband and now my son? it was alright, but not even comparable.

i love this quiet life.

a new day.

how do i sum up what has been and continues to be one of the most powerful experiences of my life?

not sure. :)

i can tell you this much: i've waited and wanted to be a wife and a mom for as long as i can remember. literally. most of the passion i put into my work as a photographer i find because i believe in love, family, and relationship so deeply. it brings me a lot of joy to capture those things for you and when i'm "feelin' it"- truly seeing what makes your interactions with your fiance, your spouse, your kids, your friends- unique and special and meaningful, my heart just explodes and my shutter finger gets itchy. ;) now that i have this little family of my very own to love and invest in, it's overwhelming in the best possible way.

i can't even believe tomorrow will be six weeks since ezra came into this world. his entrance wasn't normal or conventional- we actually had a really difficult delivery, although i truly don't see it that way. it was what it was. sometimes things happen in the way that they need to and even though it should've been different, it's better to accept that we just can't always have the answers we want. the most important thing is that he is safe and i am safe and we got from point a to point b somehow. believe me, i'm not scarred at all- just today i was telling a friend i can't wait for the next one (and i mean it!). haha, it'll be a little while before that happens, but i/we are so in love with our little guy we also can't wait to meet whoever else belongs in our family. this isn't always easy, there's a lot of sacrifice involved in commitment and love, but it's so worth it.

at this point i'm going to be dipping my toes into the water of work pretty slowly. i have a handful of summer/fall weddings booked, and this season i'll be booking just one more to round out 2013. interested in an engagement, newborn, or family shoot? contact me here and i'll be sure and add your name to the list of  people i'll be in touch with whenever i schedule shoots throughout the spring, summer and fall. of course i'll continue posting photos here, probably (ok, definitely) even some of my sweet boy.

for now i'm off to spend more time with my guys. if the first six weeks have gone quickly i can't imagine how the next 18 years will fly by! have a great weekend.

ezra.

two weeks ago today, we welcomed this little friend into our lives.

ezra is the biggest ray of sunshine and he was absolutely worth the wait. we are loving the sleepless nights and cozy days, soaking up every moment. :)

friend-ly faces

oh man, my skills in procrastination have never been so evident to me until the past several years when my personal life jumped up a few notches. (dating, being engaged to, marrying my husband- then major life transitions which included an unexpected home sale, first pregnancy, cross-country move, and all that jazz. nbd.) i'm just truly not willing or able to sacrifice living my own life in order to promote my business properly, and SHOOT that's a major bummer in one sense but on the other hand, this is all a new normal to me. so maybe i should just cut myself some slack? post when i can. and stop feeling the guilt of how much i just haven't shared with you all in the photos i've taken this past year. one small step at a time. 

i had fully intended to write separate blogs for all three of these shoots, they were just that good. and do you know why i think these people are so stinking awesome? because they are my friends. from time to time, i am lucky enough to shoot photos of people i care about and wow, nothing makes me happier. before my maternity leave officially starts and then oh how quickly we'll move into the prime season for new clients in 2013, here are a small sampling of shoots from three fantastic families. these people make my heart happy. have a good weekend- maybe the next time we "chat" i'll be showing off my own little love? trying my best to be patient because one never knows... :)

posting from a winter wonderland

hi there! 

merry christmas, happy new year, and yes i'm still here and still pregnant. :) didn't really expect anything different at 38 weeks, and i'm perfectly content to stay large as i am as long as the baby needs to be in rather than out. my maternity leave will start soon enough and in the meantime, i've got plenty to blog about! i'm also gearing up for the 2013 photo season for weddings and families and getting ready to (in the next 3-4 months) launch a brand new venture for my business... all very exciting stuff!

these past few weeks have been jam-packed with holidays and family celebrations. lovely, amazing times but it's a bit of a relief to have a more normal-paced life right now as we wait for baby. it's also provided us with our official introduction into new york winters and the hubs is now very good at shoveling snow. :):) i couldn't help but laugh today as we were walking outside and 35 degrees felt balmy compared the harsh ZERO of just a few days back. woooo-eee! we are not cold weather people but we're layering up and growing thicker skin. hardcore. that is what we will become. :)

switching gear from holidays and snow, i'd like to focus on some awesome sessions i had the privilege of shooting before all the green and the leaves went away this year. first, a fabulous family that i've gotten to watch grow and change over time and this year's shoot has to be my favorite one with them yet. take a peek at this foursome:

'

before i sign off for now, i wanted to use these guys as an awesome example for ways to SUCCEED in having a fantastic family shoot. there were seriously so many images from this family that were knockouts- i had a really challenging time picking which ones to post! so read below and when you think about booking your shoot for this spring, summer, or fall remember these great tips:

1) coordinate (don't clash) instead of matching your outfits
check out how all four of these folks are wearing different colors! and it's OKAY. also, there are a few fun patterns thrown in there to mix it up and they all look like they're comfortable and relaxed in what they're wearing. critical! if you don't feel confident or comfortable in what you put on (or if it doesn't fit!) it's going to be the biggest thing shining through in your photos. don't stress about matching, just don't clash. matching was good... in 1994. :) not now.

2) HAVE FUN.
relax! enjoy each other! enjoy your kids! try to forget i'm there, and even when it might feel awkward to have a camera around you, just laugh it off. let's have fun together.

3) listen to what i might have to share about time of day
lighting is everything, folks! i will shoot straight with you about the best time of day to have your shoot. let's work together to get the best results- i can give your family a shoot that comes out like this, too. you just have to work with me.

4) let's work together on location
some locations have been done and overdone and done again. this just isn't super interesting! again, let's work together to figure out someplace great. even if it's at and around your home- trust me- it can be wonderful.

have a good start to your week, all! i'll post again soon.